Jokes & Humour

Funny phrases and random stupidity:

"life is like a beer, when you first start it you have to adjust a bit...then near the end you get all crazy and disoriented and you dont taste good"

"Holy water makes good mix. its sacrilicious!"


Scientific Breakthrough at the University of Manitoba

"Research at the University of Manitoba's Dairy Sciences Facility released news today of an incredible breakthrough in the field of dairy science that promises to provide almost limitless applications to everyday life. "We have just now unlocked the key to an age old problem in the dairy industry, and now that we have accomplished this feat, we now know that we have only begun to skim the surface of dairy technology" Reports Jimothy Stephens, lead researcher at the University of Manitobas ultra-modern Dairy Sciences Department...
Story Continued on page A4"

"Well, you are what you eat, ASSHOLE!"

"From the creators of "you suck at life, get shot!", comes the groundbreaking new book everyone is talking about, "You suck at computers, get hacked!""

"A bird in the hand is worth two craps in the palm"

"Go-go Gadget bug exploit!"

Broken-Home Lullaby: "Lullaby...and shut up...its time for mommy to get drunk...close your eyes...get to sleep...i dont wanna hear a peep! mommys out, gettin dont you get out of your dam bunk! fall asleep, count some sheep, whatever the hell that it takes it takes, just get there, but beware, if you make a noise mommmy swears!"

"Just like when O.J Simpson gutted his wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman, its a bloody mess any way you slice it!"

"Hard work always pays off after a time, but procrastination always pays off now!"

"How come when i yawn in agreement to something, it always comes out like "yeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!""

"The key to getting people to believe you and join your cult i mean agree with you, is to add comedy

"Comedy is the key to weightloss, ...and you know...not eating a truckload..."

"Caucasians have a 4.5 times greater incidence of testicular cancer than african americans. white men may not be able to jump, but they'd better learn how to perform a testicular self exam"

"Americans dont care about people, just americans." (funny because its true, hurricane katrina got more news coverage than that asian tsunami that killed like 200 times more people.)

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